Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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