"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
