4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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