K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My friends, they love my intelligence
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Pants are for mortals
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
