I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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