his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
