just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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