6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
