don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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