I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
