He kissed a someone with a penis
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Couch. On fire.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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