could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
