So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
