dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
