goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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