hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
