I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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