No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There's always time for handjobs
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
