hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
