So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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