Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
