wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
