Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
