Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
