It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
