Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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