Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
