I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can you repeat that, but with context?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
