I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
