New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
