is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize