Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize