I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
we should paint friendship bongs
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
