can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
