Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
