i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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