Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
