so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
