evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
