first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
