***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
