We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
