I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
