I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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