is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
