It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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