her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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