chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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