Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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