roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
