i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
