Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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