I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
