I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
