You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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