There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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