Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
