Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize