I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
