even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
