I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
