If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Four minutes until I can fart!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
