My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
