My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
