They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize