I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my phone needs a breathalizer
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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