I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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