You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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