I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
