Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize