I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
