I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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