Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize